We may Differ Skin wise, But Yes He is Mine

I have been warned by friends that the day will come when I will be asked if my youngest is really mine or if I am the nanny. I brushed if off as that will not happen the year is 2013. Well a few days ago I was asked the dreaded question. I was shocked and a bit hurt. Yet wrote this as my dream response to that lady.

“Is he yours? I only ask because of the blonde hair and his light skin.”

Asked the woman in our community laundry room as I had both my boys with to check if a washer was open (the downfall of community washers.)

I wished she had stopped at is he yours. A question I have grown use to hearing seeing I did do child care and would have 3 kids with me at a time. Though those questions were usually “are ALL three of those kids yours?” Yet if she had just stopped at asking if he was mine I could have ignored the real reason she was asking.

I could have just said yes he is we have such a busy household. Yet it was the adding of what color Lyams hair was and his skin that she so anxious to point out.

Now don’t get me wrong the topic of our boys and the their skin and hair color has come up among friends. Usually though it’s predicting what they will look like when they get older or if Lyams hair will ever curl like his brothers. We point out how Cadden with his beautiful tanned skin and tight curly hair looks just like me when I was a child, and how Lyam with his lighter but sun kissed skin and brown/blonde straight hair is a spitting image of his father. Yet it’s just talk in our world tucked behind closed doors. Talk that’s spoken between friends and out of love. So I was thrown off my track when she asked this.

She did not know me other than a quick hi in the hallways. I wanted so much to respond with more than a yes in fantasy land with all the time in the world I so wanted to say:

Yes he is mine the news of his coming was just another added gift to the holiday season. You see he is the rainbow baby our baby after the storm. The storm being an ectopic suffered right before the holiday season kicked off. Yes to I did carry him for nine months. In those nine months we had morning sickness, heartburn that could have destroyed a small town. Sleepless nights, a scare of preterm labor, oh and did I mention the having to pee like a race horse?. Then on to his birth… It was beautiful. As my doula and close friend walk around the neighborhood and did lounges up a hill all day hoping we would encourage the child you are questioning to be mine to show his face.

Our prayers answered later that night when my water broke. As my husband sped to the birth center worrying me on whether he would get pulled over and I would have to hitch a ride with our doula who drove cautiously behind. As we walked into the birthing center that rainy night… And I labored on the edge of the bed then in a tub ( which felt soo good). As we joked about why the heck I was drinking zero calorie Gatorade , or how I was floating away in the tub. As we searched for a pushing position that fit for me and my needs, and how my husband who was convinced before our child’s birth to catch him….caught Lyam as he was making his entrance into this world. Yes this child that I am holding is mine but if you need convincing I have pictures of him making his entrance into this world from my vagina to prove it.

Yet that is not how I responded… My response was ” yes he is mine, I tend not to have the habit of breastfeeding other babies unless asked.” then walked away. Well more like dragging my toddler along due to a tantrum while trying to get away as quick as possible.

Night walks and the trouble they bring

So my Family goes for late night walks. Mainly for the dog yet we have found we like watching the sun set and having bugs attack us (nothing like a great big mosquito bite….we do remember to put bug spray on the kids).  Usually theses walk are on the low-end of the spectrum and go very well or they are on the higher end of the crazy spectrum, and you seeing me running down the street with a wrap in my hand and bug spray. That time I was whisper yelling don’t forget  to put bug spray on the kids. I am pretty sure at this point my neighbors think I am the crazy woman. Seeing we also had a toddler loose down the hill on his toy fire truck mishap a month or so ago. That incident involved me chasing him with a dog and baby on my back not cool!

one of our night walk adventures
one of our night walk adventures

So last night when I decided to take a walk to wear out my two-year old … I had a feeling something would happen. We we decided to take the trail right away Cadden decided to take his shoes off. This has become a recent thing and since the streets and trails near us are usually clean I allow it. So he decides he wants to feel nature under his feet… we continue to walk reach the end of the trail and turn around. Well our dog decided to eat the grass ( if anyone can tell me why dogs eat grass please share). Cadden has also formed the habit of thinking he is a dog so my toddler right behind her gets down on all fours trying to eat the grass just like a dog. This is when God must have decided “oh let me really embarrass Iola.” Seeing right when I was about to say Cadden get up we don’t eat grass a squad car pulls up. You see my first instinct was to grab the kids, the dog and run. Don’t ask me why I felt that way I just did. My second thought was call my husband crying that the police were here. Well as I was thinking through my choice the officer decided to speak. What he said I had to ask him to repeat because I was thrown off a bit by the question. He asked ” Are you and your family homeless?”  I wondered why he asked me at the moment and realized it could be the fact it’s after dark, and I have a toddler on the ground with no shoes on next to me trying to eat the grass as if he has never seen food in his life. Did I mention my other child was on my back? I polity told him no. This was met with a ” well I am not going to take your kids away if you say yes, I will just try to get you some help.” I will admit the thought of “well that sucks if you wont take them I could really use a break. ” Did run through my head.

I had to explain to the officer why we were out there so late. He understood then left. Needless to say I was basically running to get back to our place.

I have to say though it was somewhat embarrassing to be stopped like that I have to say at least the officer had the heart to care enough to stop and ask. Whether it was part of his job or not.

Oh and just a note… That walk did not wear Cadden out. We ended up in bed talking till 2 am about his bug bites. You see this mom forgot to put bug spray on the boys last night. FAIL

Missed Childhood Past-time

Apparently one of the set rules when growing us is learning how to ride a bike. I apparently was not told this rule when growing up nor was my mother ( mom I forgive you for this). That’s right I never learned how to ride a bike. I don’t know if this was due to my nose always being in a book, or the fact that when my mom would lock us out of the house he never left a bike out for the kids to play with and unlike some members in my family I wasn’t going to “borrow” the neighbors bike.

Yet it could be that I never found the activity of balancing on two wheels to get somewhere very fun. I would rather walk, which I did a lot of growing up.

I picked up rollerblading as a kid. I loved it.
I picked up rollerblading as a kid. I loved it.
Just to clarify I did not have blue hair as a child nor was I purple.
Just to clarify I did not have blue hair as a child nor was I purple.

 

 

Yet not learning has come back to hunt me. I have found myself jealous of the people who ride up and down the trail near my home. This jealousy only gets worse when those people have a baby seat on the back and baby or toddler is fast asleep with not a care in the world. Oh and the now eight year old who ride their bikes enjoy their summer vacation… yes I may envy them. I admit it I am jealous of the little kids in my neighborhood.

Yet today I have decided to do something for myself and learn how to ride a bike! I am quiet excited though I have realized learning may end up with me wishing my local hospital had a rewards card seeing my family is always there for some odd reason.

I am giving myself the summer to learn. Hopefully after that you will see me speeding away with two kids connected behind me because apparently riding a bike and babywearing your child is frowned upon. Sigh

 

Helmets on for safety!!
Helmets on for safety!!

We are Part of That 15 Percent

We are Part of That 15 Percent

I came across this blog last night when just mindlessly surfing around like I do every night. My first thoughts were this is pretty cool as I looked at the different beautiful families pictured on it. So I submitted my families picture.

Yet my find of this in a way is kind of funny. I found it on the same day that when at the beach with my family and some friends a little girl came up to me and asked a question that I in no way was expecting. She came up and asked ” Is your husband white?” I couldn’t believe what I heard and had to ask her again. She repeated the same question. Now I don’t know if she asked what she did because she was a child and didn’t know how to word her question ( soon after she went over to play with our dog)m or if she asked based on things she has heard at home. Either way it left a some what ill taste in my mouth. It reminds me of a time when Cadden was younger and my husband and I came up to see what color Cadden was a complete stranger ( she was very vocal about how curious she was). She than sat and shared with us about how her friend was married to an African guy and how their kids were all the same color. I am pretty sure that was her way of trying to somehow bond with us. Though it wasn’t bonding and if you are reading this and run into me do not hold me up for 15 mins talking about the color of your friends kids….I don’t care.

The blog was started after General Mills came out with a commercial the featured a mixed race family. Nothing was wrong with the commercial, just with the minds of some people who watched the commercial. This commercial created a stir and the comments that came from it were shocking and disappointing. Though I was very happy with the commercial… Its nice to see families you can relate to on T.V. \

Part of a multiracial family? Submit your picture to the We Are the 15 Percent blog. We did!

Fathers Day

Fathers day.. The day we all stop and give thanks for the fathers in our lives. No matter how whacky, crazy or downright mad they are we are thankful for them.

I did not grow up with a stable relationship with the should have been father figure in my life. Which in all reality may have been for the best. Yet my boys have a pretty awesome dad. He is a little rough in some areas but he if I may say so myself is pretty great. Chad since I met him has been a great dad. Yes in order for that to happen he has kids … well more boys from a previous marriage. Ty and Dill are pretty awesome boys and when I saw his interaction with them I knew when we found out we were pregnant with Cadden he would be a great dad. He has been at every doctors appointment or midwife appoint with both Cadden and Lyam. Along with “catching” Lyam at his birth (which to this day he thinks every dad should do! Great bonding moment).

So today my “hat” is off to him.

<<<< If you look at his shirt here it tells you he thinks he is a pretty awesome dad too. (conceited much?)

 

A dad is more than someone who has given sperm to create a child, a precious living life ( even though when that precious living life is drawing on your wall you forget how precious they are at the moment).  He is someone who guides and leads the way for child. He is the one that teaches life lessons as in when you pull his finger you may not like what comes out the other end.   To be honest to your fellow brother or sister in life. Don’t lie it will come back to bite you in the you know what. Love your family. Treat women with respect.

I am lucky to have someone who loves to cook (as I don’t hate it but I don’t like it either). So not only to I end up with a full tummy but a sons who will grow up knowing that there is no such chore in a house that belongs to any gender. Cadden is indeed learning this as he even cleans besides Dad.

 

Though he may think my babywearing and cloth diapering habits are nuts he deeps his feet into my world every so often.

chad2 chad

And after a long day of playing and laughter you can always find him on the “Daddy” chair all worn out

I hope today you wished the father in your life a happy Fathers Day.

Chad from Cadden, Lyam, the cats, dog and I HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!

 

Brotherly Love

When time came near for Lyam to be born I had a huge fear. It didn’t involve going into labor or even how his birth would go, it was going from one child to two. Cadden had Chad and I all to himself for a good 18 months. Though he did have to share my attention during the day as I did childcare, he knew at the end of the day those kids went back home to their families. OK well he didn’t know where they went, but he did know they were not staying the night.  He was not used to also having to share me during the evening hours.

Yet we tried to prepare him. We bought him the doll of his choice and called it the baby. We told him to that he had to feed the baby and be nice to the baby. Though instead this baby ended up in a plastic bag as a carrier, and was use as a road bump for his cars and trucks. I would also tell him that a baby was in my tummy. That he warmed up to even more so when a friend was pregnant at the same time and had her little guy before I did. So Cadden was getting use to the idea. Yet bringing Lyam into this world with Cadden terrified me enough to the point I got super nervous during labor and had a mini breakdown.

Well My fears didn’t keep Lyam from being born ….. Nor did it keep me from hiding out at the birth center he was born at we eventually had to go home.

As you can see Cadden wasn’t too sure but he was very quick on wanting to hold his new brother. Yes we allowed our 18 month old to hold our newborn.

     

Well after about a good hour the newness of his little brother wore off and it was now time to see what he could do to the scrunched up little guy.  This resulted in hitting and pulling hair… not fun at all but has finally stopped 8 months later.  Lyam has been toilet baptized by his brother. I tell myself he will have a great immune system from this.

Yet Cadden does really care about his brother …

He now shoves food in his mouth

tells me Lyam needs to be nursed

sits on his tummy and bounces ( because little brother make great bounce toys)

pats his butt

…..and his newest trick….picking Lyam up and carrying him over to me.

Such a proud big brother

Recently now that Lyam can sit and stand along with scream when he is upset the boys have grown on each other. Along with getting in trouble with each other…

smashing grapes all over the floor
smashing grapes all over the floor

Eight months later I am seeing two boys who love each other. Though they may not be able to say it you can see it. Whether it’s the way Lyams eyes light up when he sees Cadden enter the room or the way Cadden says ” hi eyam” when Lyam first wakes up in the morning the love is there. I can only hope as the get older that their relationship only gets stronger. No matter how many arguments they get into or how many toys they take from each other. I also hope that they become each others closest friends. Yet as for now I only hope I can stay sane as these two continue to “explore” with each other.

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“Brothers don’t necessarily have to say anything to each other they can sit in a room and be together and just be completely comfortable with each other. ”
~ Leonardo Dicaprio