The Wet nurse I am not – Bellies, Boobs, and Brunch

It has been made clear time and time again that for some reason I attract the crazies. Maybe its Karma from another past life I don’t know but ish that I really can’t make up usually happens to me.

I recently attended a Bellies, Boobs and Brunch event a few weekends ago. It was held at a local moms house and it went great. My husband who usually ask five billion questions before I go somewhere really didn’t understand why women would get together and pay for breastfeeding photos. I tried to explain it as he drove me over to the site ( I have refused to drive since the last time I was driving a car we somehow ended up getting hit from behind. Oh and have a screaming child in the car doesn’t help either) he failed to understand.

Well the event went well and I received my photos within the next week.

I fell in love with them. Why did no one tell me about these events when I was nursing my oldest!!!

Well going through these photos I noticed one of me nursing L showed off his Gdiaper and shirt. If you know me you know I love Gdiapers as in I would run into a burning house to save my diapers ( well after the kids are out). So I of course shared this photo with Gdiapers via twitter.

They asked to use it…… and of course I said “YES!”

Now this is when the crazies come out…

I of course was very excited… I had friends who were happy for me… then of course someone climbs out from under their rock and comments:

“Is it adopted, there is a significant difference in color. Are you a wet nurse?? Even if daddy was light, the child wouldn’t be as light……all women can produce milk even if they haven’t recently been pregnant. Wet nurse. Good for you.”

I still am very speechless about this comment.

Yet just to point out my child is not an “it” he is a human being.

Now about L’s color

I know my son is not the same color as me. I know his hair is light brown and blonde. I know he is a spitting image of his father.

Yet I am A-OK with all of this.

No where in the rule book does it say ” The baby the mom nurses has to match exactly skin wise in order for her to be the biological mom”

No L is not Adopted Nor am I the wet-nurse.

There were so many things wrong with that statement I am just beginning to wrap my brain around it all.

Even if I was the wet-nurse so what why not celebrate it? Yet who looks at a breastfeeding photo and instead of celebrating it, sums up mom must be the wet-nurse because the skin colors don’t line up?

Yet I have notice when one crazy person says something online others follow.

It was stated that L was to old to breastfeed…. *eye roll* because he could lift my shirt…

I won’t even get into that at the moment. Though thank you to the friends and moms who spoke up.

Yet what I will do is focus my energy into showing off my pictures from that weekend.

Every Mom needs to have pictures like this done… if you don’t have an event near you PLAN ONE!!!

Also Big Thank You to Alison here is more of her work on her site here


33 thoughts on “The Wet nurse I am not – Bellies, Boobs, and Brunch

  1. These are beautiful pictures and that woman is, I don’t even know what to say, I’m sorry you had to read that comment.

  2. When my beautiful daughter was born I got a lot of comments about how she looked so much like her father. (My husband is Korean and I’m Irish/French). But those who knew me well could see that she had my nose, my smile, and when she got it, my hair color. I’m learning to ignore the idiots and cling close to family and friends who only see the wonderful blessing she is. Love and light to you and your beautiful family!

  3. Your photos are beautiful! Coming from a mixed race family, some of my kids are very light skinned, and some are rather dark. None of them have the same skin tone as me or my hubby, they are all ours! ๐Ÿ™‚ I would love to find an event like that near me!!!!

  4. First of all, your pictures are beautiful! I think your beautiful boy may have his fathers lighter skin tone but he looks a lot like his Mama ๐Ÿ™‚ I am white and my husband is black and i had our third child five months ago and he is every bit as fair as your little guy. People can be so ignorant and really know how to give a back handed compliment. It is 2013 and some people bed to get a life while we enjoy ours โค

  5. That comment was so bizarre it was almost funny. I hope you weren’t offended and just able to laugh and shake your head. Your son is beautiful, just like his mommy. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. I think you and your babies are beautiful! I am white and my husband is afican American, our son looks white with a tan ๐Ÿ™‚ He also has 3 daughters from ex wife and his oldest ‘s color is fairer than mine and his ex wife is Puerto rican. Some people I tell you!

  7. Omg. What a silly statement. I’m a huge bf proponent and I love my gdiapers too! Also, that baby is just too darn cute! No wonder they wanted to use the photos!

  8. What a darling boy you have. Sorry that people are so ignorant–your photos are wonderful (as are gDiapers). I especially like the profile shot of you holiding him up high. Such a great pic.

  9. I think the wrong and rude thing about that comment is that she called the child “It”. I don’t think wondering if you were a wet nurse for an adopted child is so horrlbe or far fetched!!! It happens, and they acknowledge that it happens, which is great. They said “good for you”, so they encouraged being a wet nurse to an adopted child. Awesome!!!
    Asking if it’s your biological child is not an invalid question, because he doesn’t look just like you. But to say he can’t be because the child is “too light” is a bit ignorant. White dad, black mom, that’s what a child would look like. Even a child from two black parents tends to be lighter until they grow up, am I wrong? So I wouldn’t look at this photo and think that it couldn’t possibly be your child. I might be compelled to ask if it is your biological child.
    You’re reaction to this comment – being so offended by the question of possibly wet nursing an adopted child – makes the question seem so taboo! Is it any more “wrong” than asking ANY mother whether she is breast or formula? How about we answer the question, because it’s not from an unfathomable place, and maybe just correct her on her approach to the question. Don’t call children “it”. Don’t just assume I am wet nursing and tell me “good for you” if you haven’t gotten an answer. How about, her comment should have simply been “Is this a biological child or adopted? And if he is adopted, then good for you for wet nursing! We should see more of that!” And he isn’t adopted, so that is that. Is that really so bad?

    • I did address both issues… I dont think my reaction is adding to the taboo… I have 3 previous blog post about me sharing milk… the issue is about the skin color comment not about the wet nurse… though they go hand in hand. I did say even if I was the wet nurse why not celebrate it.

    • I don’t see what the question had to do with the circumstances at all! The person was obviously more interested in the racial background of the child than the beautiful moment taking place. The question was ignorant and completely out of place, whether the person meant it or not. Just because they said, “good for you” doesn’t mean anything. I don’t get to say rude things and follow it up with a “good for you” and suddenly what I said is okay. I would have been very offended and I think the question is taboo, not the reaction it received. Some people seriously have no sense of what is appropriate and not appropriate to say to people. Ugh.

    • I donโ€™t see what the question had to do with the circumstances at all! The person was obviously more interested in the racial background of the child than the beautiful moment taking place. The question was ignorant and completely out of place, whether the person meant it or not. Just because they said, โ€œgood for youโ€ doesnโ€™t mean anything. I donโ€™t get to say rude things and follow it up with a โ€œgood for youโ€ and suddenly what I said is okay. I would have been very offended and I think the question is taboo, not the reaction it received. Some people seriously have no sense of what is appropriate and not appropriate to say to people. Ugh.

  10. Wonderful pictures! I have lived it too. My son is very fair complected and I am not. Strangers will often ask how did he get blonde hair. Somone asked if he was adopted. When I reply, “no, I was” they just get more confused. We nursed for 13 months and I often got the strange looks as to why I was nursing that baby. From one gMum to another, well done you!

  11. Wonderful photos! I have lived with inappropriate comments too. My son has very fair skin and I do not. People often ask: where did his blonde hair come from? Is he’s adopted? When I answer “no, I am” they get even more confused. I nursed him for 13 months and I often received very strange looks and I don’t think it was because I was breastfeeding but breastfeeding a baby that doesn’t look like he could possibly be mine. From one gMum to another, well done you! Enjoy your family.

  12. What beautiful pictures! Its too bad we don’t have that type of event where I am! Apparently we are missing out.
    I am sorry that people are insensitive and mean. I have the same problem. I am of Hispanic origin and my husband is of English/french. So the absolute palest skin type! And so is our son. Light, light, skin, blue eyes and blond hair. I’ve been asked about being the nanny. Not awesome. But I look at it as a teaching experience later for my son!
    What a lucky little one to have such a loving mommy as you. Congratulations on your own little miracle.

    • Create one!! I am very pro if there isnt one near me than I will make my own! Find a photographer ask if they will donate or charge a very small fee.. you will be surprised at what people will do for you if you just ask!! I am also looking for photos for my project Breastfeeding in Color!

  13. These pictures are amazing…and I MUST have some someday if/when I have my third/last baby (adding to the fact that I am determined to have another home birth and have it documented by a professional photographer because I never, ever, want to for get it). I know why you fell in love with these pictures…and why your husband may not have understood why you wanted them in the first place…breastfeeding is an indescribable experience – we look down when it’s happening and we see something that just cannot be captured in words…then they grow and not longer want to breastfeed…and sadly I think it’s not so hard to forget the magic of that experience – these pictures are the perfect way to reclaim a bit of that magic whenever we need it – hard day with a toddler…first day of school…the first time they decided mom knows nothing…

  14. Hey, I am lighter than *both* of my parents. Go figure. People don’t believe I am Latina because I have blue eyes, very pale skin, and light brown hair. I don’t tan; I burn. You and YOUR baby are beautiful. Lovely pictures. โค

  15. The pictures are just beautiful (I tried unsuccessfully to take pictures of my lil while I was nursing) not always a black and white thing..I have 2 girlfriends who are from brazil and Argentina and they both are dark featured….they both had blond haired blue eyed sons and people would ask them if they were the nanny? Which is just silly..I am blond and both my daughters have brown hair and no one has ever asked me if I am a nanny just bc my girls don’t look exactly like me.

  16. This could be my story. I have been asked so many time, “Oh is he yours???” I’m thankful that there are more and more families like “ours” so that it becomes more common. Here is a pic I had taken a year ago. I know the skin color difference doesn’t show as well in black and white, but maybe that’s why I love this pic so much ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. My children and I do not “match” either. I fail to understand why they must; I think it is wonderful that they look so much like my husband and so much like me at the same time. Kudos to you for speaking out against those kind of ignorant comments and for giving your son nature’s perfect food.

  18. I enjoy pictures of families of mixed race,because, it shows how little skin color really has to do with anything. love is love, end of story. If I had no background on this picture I would equally assume adoption,wet nursing, or this was your bio child (after all you are nursing the baby after all).

  19. That is just horrendous. What ignorance lurks on the web, hidden behind keyboards and screens, letting their strange stereotypes and judgements spew out, not realizing its full effect on the unsuspecting target. I am sorry that you were subjected to that, and unfortunately, since these people creep around everywhere it probably won’t be the last time. Luckily for you you have an absolutely GORGEOUS little boy and obviously and equally as beautiful bond. Don’t let those people ever get to you (about breastfeeding, about “not matching” and whatever else they make up in their twisted little brains) and take it as a learning experience on how to brush off negativity… I know I’ve had to do it so many times (in reference to the fact I look “too young to have 4 kids” implying many things or to my tattoos or nose piercing, being a “hippie” or breastfeeding “too long” etc.), but I think I’ve finally gotten the lesson down pat, and realized that I’ve always been a great mom, because I put the effort in to be and no one else need be involved to prove that to myself or my children ๐Ÿ™‚

  20. People are UNREAL!! No tact, no class and apparently, no education. I love your photos and I’m glad you shared your story!

  21. beautiful pictures! people do come up with shocking thoughts… Kudos to you for breastfeeding and do it as long as you want! genetics can be an amazing thing, and I for one did not look at this picture and see ANYTHING “wrong” with it. A mom bf’ing her baby. beautiful. and I also LOVE my gDiapers, and loved breastfeeding all 3 of my kids ๐Ÿ™‚

  22. How sad someone would even think to say something like that… Bet they would get a shock to find that couples of the same color can have children on the opposite end of spectrum… Beautiful pictures ๐Ÿ™‚

  23. That is so beautiful! I loved these pictures!! I nursed my first till 14 months and now my second at 19 months still going and expecting! Not sure if Ill tandem or not. Kudos to YOU!! silly people have to chime in their nonsense!! You’re awesome!!

  24. As the mom of a biracial daughter (my hubby is White & I’m black) I always knew the ignorant folks would come out. I have no idea why people feel so comfortable making ignorant comments that objectify other folks. It just shows how they, albeit subtle and maybe unconscious, still see us and our kids as less than human. Sad. Oh and I’d run into a burning building for my g diapers too! Die hard fan! Now, I’ve gotta find one of those luncheons in my town. Your pics are fabulous!

  25. Amen! I love how people just *know* that it’s impossible for people of color to have “white appearing” children.
    Story of my life. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Beautiful gmama and baby, by the way!

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