Don’t Pay to Play

When Cadden was born.. I had this fantasy of doing mommy and me classes with him… that I would be that perfect mom. We would do mommy and me yoga, mommy and me music, mommy and me wine …. what ever came up we would do, and we did. Well we didn’t do mommy and me wine because there is no such thing yet ( great business opportunity).

We did it all.. I for one time was the “perfect” mom.

Lyam then  was born … and again we just added him into the mix. We did less classes but still it worked out.

Then I was pregnant with Eli.

The last class we did then was a yoga class… it wasn’t a mommy and me class it was donation based. The class went somewhat like this:

Teacher: “Lets all get into downward dog pose.”

Cadden: ( who gets in pose) “Mommy I just farted”

Lyam: ( looking around helplessly) “mommy where’s akila?” ( then bending over to look in my face, as if I would answer his question faster if he asked face level)

Me: ( breathe, breath this will be over soon right?)

………

Teacher: child pose, breath in and let go of distractions.

Cadden: ( does pose) “mommy I farted again”

Lyam: ( Climbs on top of me )

Me: ( for the love of god, how can one let go of their stress if it’s on top of you? My belly is not liking this)

……………

End of class

Teacher: “Now lets lay on our backs and relax”

Cadden: ( gets in my face to have a conversation)

Lyam: ( gets in my face to repeat every damn word cadden is saying)

Me: (get me the hell out of here.)

Lets say after that hour class … we never did another class again…

until the other day.

Now background context… I went in for a weight check for Eli… ( the only mommy and me activity) and saw the poster for baby music classes 9 bucks… ok cool. I asked the woman there if all my kids could come… she said yes. Now I was some how thinking this was a drop off music class that I would be able to drop off all the crumb grabbers and leave for an hour.

I was in heaven just thinking about it.

Class day comes. We arrive late.. get directed to the class room I open door and there are all these moms with their babies.

I panic.

Now the teacher must have realized I was panicking she welcomes me in and asks me to join my kids on the floor.

SHE ASKED ME TO JOIN MY KIDS.

I really didn’t want to join them.. I wanted to leave.. I wanted freedom.

Yet I listened and joined my kids on the floor.

She began to sing… and hand the boys bells and birds.

(what do birds have to do with music?)

Cadden takes the bells .. you can tell my mommy and me classes with him paid off.. he joins right in singing about birds and horses and what ever the heck other animals.

Lyam well he is hesitant. The teacher notices and asks him to help sing.. his answer “No” in fact he said no to everything she asked of him. (that’s my boy)

Eli.. well he looked .. then his bottom lip quivered and he cried. After a quick nursing session he looked at everyone in the class like what am I doing here.

Me: ” hello, hello hello, Eli, eli , o ….” ( wait why I am i singing this? Why are we adding O’s to everyone’s name? why is she pulling out a parachute? Why am I still here?)

Looking around at the moms in this class they all look fresh, just the one child who is not yet running, climbing out the roof of cars, fighting. like no worries in the world.

I on the other hand had to proactively ask the teacher to give the boys their own bells or world war three would unfold in front of our eyes.

I sat in that class thinking “I just gave this business money to play with my kids…. I seriously just paid to play with them”.

 

13375_10204734774943901_6520127241740227092_n

 Lesson learned: next time give the kids pots and pans and sit with a glass of wine … at home.

 

Oh and if you do you know of a mommy and me wine class …. Let me know.

Advertisements

Please let me Parent……. or in others words shut the bleep up!!!

So I have some friends who have received an all expenses paid trip to STFU Island. Its a beautiful Island that’s smack in the middle of NOYB ocean. How did they receive this trip by giving me their horrible stories of how they know someone who parents like me and how their kids are all messed up. Or … the worse offense going against something I told my child that they could do or out right telling my child what to do ( I don’t mean like my kid was going to get hit by a car and you told me kid to move that I understand I mean going against what I allow my children to do in my home and telling them no, basically causing confusion.)

TFG-Parenting

Oh and before I get started if you are wondering if you are on that STFU trip here are some signs….. if you haven’t heard from me in months… if you have been limited in what you can see on my Facebook or have discovered you have been deleted… If I have seen you at Target made eye contact and grabbed  my kids and ran the other way before you could say “Hi”… Yes you then are on that beautiful island.

Our parenting in our household is a mixture of things… My husband who grew up in a very authoritative home sometimes uses that parenting on the kids .. In which he gets his head bit off and gets and hour long lecture about how kids are people too.  Yet this doesn’t happen much unless He gets overwhelmed.  We take quite a bit from Attachment parenting…we co sleep ( yes all four of us in a queen size bed.), gentle discipline, baby-wear, etc. Then which surprises mainly my family we have a set of our own rules… The boys don’t have a normal bed time ( ranging from 10 to midnight we go by their natural clock ), they are free range during the day ( currently as a type my oldest is on the patio with no jacket and in boots throwing snow off the patio screaming), Cadden jumps off tables, he picks what he wants to wear now and eats. He would love to pick whether or not he takes a nap but then if no nap he turns into a monster. This works for us. Yet we have kept it a secret until now. Unless you were my friend L calling me at midnight you would never know these things about us. It had gotten so bad that I started to notice my husband would change his parenting when out and about to avoid getting judge or hearing stupids comments. Well after having a serious talk we have come to the agreement to stop pleasing everyone else and to finally please us.

We don’t teach the boys to say please and Thank you we lead by example.. .. yet Cadden knows how to say thank you.. he is still working on the other parts. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t have manners or never will he is learning at his own pace. I refuse to make him say sorry. I may suggest a hug and explain what he did was wrong but I refuse to sit there an make him say he is sorry when it will only end up with a half ass sorry and by this time the victim could care less all they want to do is see how many toys they can shove into their mouth before their mom finds out. Oh and my two year old says oh sh#T. We have watched what we say around him any more because of this yet I have a cute story… Cadden was walking and decided to run on our floors which are wood. He was sliding and couldn’t stop which resulted in him stubbing his toe. When this happened my husband and I clearly heard him say ” oh sh!t! bad wall” in which he hit it, than came to us to kiss his toe. So many may not agree with the actions that he took but at least he said the truth and how he really felt. Something that some of us adults have a hard time doing.

I honestly don’t care how others parent… If you cio with your kids I may not agree with it but there is nothing I can do. So be it. Yet it amazes me the balls people grow when they decide they need to point blank criticize your parenting in front of you. Some Examples

When we tell people oh we have no crib we co sleep with our kids:

“Oh really you do? Well I know parents who did that and they ended up with a 8 year old in their bed you need to get those kids out now!”

“How do you have sex… you must never have sex!” – Side note these people end up on STFU Island right away. First why does my sex life involve you. I find it completely creepy that you would just straight out ask me about my sex life like that. Second there are other places to have sex other than a bed… get creative people.

We Exclusively Breastfeed:

“Oh you need to get that baby on a bottle.” – OK.. Lyam is not given a bottle for the very reason it became a trap for breastfeeding with Cadden. I don’t want to go back down that road. To friends and family who say this please seriously stop. Its not funny at this point… I am seriously ready to tell off the next person who says it.

We had a lady come up to us in the store and tell us basically Lyam was spoiled because he was being held all the time. At this point I was so worn out from the crying he had been doing at the time and was happy he was some what calm. I could have clawed her flip-pin eyes out.

We don’t spank.. Yet was told by a “well meaning” family member that in order for our boys to mind us that we need to start early. To not spare the rod. Don’t even get me started. …..

Oh and over time I have come to realize that there are different styles that others will use to criticize you or give you advice….

Styles one may use to criticize

The questioner: This person will use the form of a question to criticize. It may come off as just a innocent question but I promise its not.  They will then after you answer that question throw in how much better their child is than yours. ex. ” oh Billy isn’t potty trained and he is how old 3?” you as the parent ” no he isn’t he loves the convince of being able to pee and poop on the go” Them ” oh well Bella was potty trained by the time she was one no scraping off poop for me!!”

The New source one:This person has way to much time on their hands they for some reason much only search out the stories that pertain your type of parenting  and how it produces murderers. ex. “oh don’t you co sleep? well I read in the paper the other day that some guy was murdering women. When they looked into how he was brought up turns out he slept with his parents!”

The Adviser: They notice something your child is doing and offer “heartfelt advice”. ex. “I notice that your daughter is still on a bottle… cut the nipple if they cry they will get over it.”

Childless people: Have no kids yet feel the need to tell you how you should parent.

These are the four I run into the most I am sure their are plenty more out there!

What I am saying in a nut shell is please let me parent.. you may not like my parenting stye or think I am doing everything all wrong … yet if you do please say this behind my back.. because I really don’t want to hear it.  I am actually at the point if anyone finds the need to tell me how my kids will suck growing up or how their kids or parenting are so much better I may just yell “shut up” like the crazy woman I am.

Though if you absolutely feel the need to get your suggestions or stories about how I will fail parenting please drop then in my suggestion box. In which I will drink and then read then light on fire.

Still not convinced try reading this Think you know it all?